Examples Of Organizing Various Group Social Plans

In another article I talk about the importance of being able to make plans with people. This is a quick supplement to it, where I'll provide a few examples that show how it could play out if someone tried to organize a larger social event. It'll also illustrate some of the principles I mentioned in that piece, such as the how it's good to stay flexible and patient.

I keep the examples here to group plans because that's where things can get more complicated. This article has some examples of ways to propose one-on-one plans, but doesn't focus on the follow up.

I just made up the shorter examples in other articles. In this case, to keep things more realistic, I based the examples on plans I've been a part of myself, either as an organizer or participant. Some of the discussions below are taken from my own texts and social media messages. I've removed names and changed a lot of little details and phrasing, but the general beats of how things played out are preserved. As always, I'll refer you to the site's quick examples disclaimer.

Proposing and organizing a group lunch with new classmates

This example's Planner is a new graduate student who has been at his program for about a month. He's made an effort to be friendly with everyone. After the first official class he asked a bunch of his classmates if they'd be interested in grabbing a drink, and he and about seven other people went to nearby a pub and got to know each other better. The weekend after that he joined some of them when they went out dancing.

As he's been meeting people he's added everyone he's gotten along with to his social media account. He wants to continue being proactive about forming a social circle and sends out a group message to all his new contacts. Here's how the thread plays out over a few days:

Planner sent the message out to eighteen people. Not everyone replied to the message. Of those who did some said they could make it. Some said they couldn't. Some said they'd check back later and never did. One person said she'd be able to come but then backed out a day or so later. Another person who said they were coming canceled by text the morning of the lunch. One person didn't reply to the thread, but told Planner in person she was coming. In the end five people showed up to the lunch and everyone had a good time. Two of them were students Planner didn't know that well yet, but who had come with Classmate G.

At first getting five out of eighteen people to come out may seem like a low success rate, but it's probably realistic given that everyone was busy, and that Planner didn't know everyone he was inviting incredibly well. Plus, in the end things like the ratio of people you invite to people who show up doesn't really matter, as long as you can get enough of them together to have fun.

When he suggested the lunch he didn't care who did or didn't end up coming, just as long as someone did. He just wanted to get to know his fellow classmates better, and give himself a break from studying. Also, he was still in the early stages of trying to form a more consistent group of friends. The invitation was a way to fish for the people who seemed interested in hanging out more. He'd focus his energy on them, and not worry about the ones who repeatedly turned him down. They could remain as friendly acquaintances he saw at school.

Organizing a pub night after work

The next example's Planner has been working at a small company for a few years and is friendly with several of his co-workers. A few times in the past they've all gone to a nearby pub after work on Friday. They don't go as often as he'd prefer though, and this week he wants to take a shot at organizing an outing.

That Friday at lunch he mentions the possible pub night to the three co-workers he's eating with. They're around his age and he's hung out with them socially outside of the job before. Two of them seem interested, and one seems open to it, but is a bit non-committal. Planner knows one of the co-workers who said he's interested is fairly unreliable, so he only tentatively counts him as being able to come.

After lunch, on his way back to his office, he runs into another colleague and asks them if they'd be interested in going, which they are. At his office he writes a quick email to every co-worker he hasn't already spoken to, asking them if they feel like going out. He phrases it based on the fact that some other employees are already on board:

As he could predict, several people don't get back to him, or politely declined. Most of them are in more senior positions, are busy with their families, or haven't ever taken part in past office social activities. Planner never really expected them to want to come out, but sent the invitation anyway to be polite, and in case they felt differently this time. Of the people who are a more realistic possibility for coming out, one says he'll go, and one says she can't make it. Another says he has to work late, and will see how he feels when he's done. He may join everyone later if they're still all at the pub. The last person says she has to go home for a bit first, but will join everyone later as well, and will bring a friend.

When 5 o'clock rolls around a couple more people who want to go end up having to work late. Planner and someone who also doesn't have to work late hang around the office and kill time for a bit, until two more of his co-workers become free. The unreliable co-worker is able to come out with everyone after all. They all head to the pub and have some drinks and appetizers. About an hour later three more people show up, and everyone ends up staying for another two hours.

Unsuccessful proposal

In this quick example the Planner, an undergrad college student, sends out a group message on a Friday afternoon. She has plans to go to a club with one of her friends, and wants to see if anyone else is interested in joining. The recipients are a mix of her good friends, and several acquaintances she wouldn't mind getting to know better. If she was only trying to arrange a smaller outing with a few existing friends she'd have done it through text messages instead.

On Friday night the friend who Planner originally was going to go out with canceled on her. She didn't end up doing anything that night, and spent the rest of the weekend back in her home town. Friend A went out with a bunch of people on the Saturday.

Planner tried to organize something, but it didn't work out. If you wanted to look at things through a pessimistic lens you could say that everyone rejected her, and on top of that Friend A stole her thunder to organize a more successful plan of her own. That's not really the most useful way to look at things though. It was just bad luck that no one could make it out on Planner's originally proposed time. It's not going to pan out every time you suggest something. Planner continued to be friends with everyone for years after that, and she suggested and organized plenty of outings during that time.

Unsuccessfully trying to organize a catch-up night between friends, then making it work on the second try

This is a longer example about a plan taking a while to get off the ground. It can show the importance of persevering when it seems like a solid plan is never going to get nailed down. It also shows that just because one person got the planning process started, that another can still jump in and take the wheel if things are looking dicey.

Below a meeting to grab dinner turns out to be hard to plan because everyone is tied up with their jobs, but the same core difficulties could just as easily appear if the example was, say, about a bunch of parents trying to arrange a house party, but they're all too busy with their young children.

Planner has been really busy with work for the past few months. So have her old university friends, and they haven't hung out together in about two months. When they were in college they used to see each other all the time and spent most weekends together. She still talks to or runs into them one-on-one fairly often, and the last few times she's done so there's been talk of everyone getting together one night after work to catch up. Planner figures someone may as well take a shot at organizing something and creates an online thread for an event and invites her five friends. The event has a tentative date and time of an upcoming Thursday from 7pm to 10pm, but no venue. The description is:

A week and a half goes by...

The day of the meeting rolls around with three of the attendees (Planner, Friend C, and Friend D) all saying they may be able to make it, but not until later. In the afternoon Friend E texts everyone to say they aren't feeling well, have taken a sick day, and won't be able to make it tonight. Friend B texts everyone to note that now the only people who were still attending are saying they didn't know when they'll be arriving, and asks everyone if they want to set a new time, so things won't be totally up in the air, and they could coordinate around that. Friend D texts everyone after work to say they're feeling tired after a long day, and that they should all try to get together another time. Planner and Friend C don't reply that day, but post on the event the next day apologizing for being flaky and to say they didn't see themselves going out after working long days.

During the next two weeks the friends all chat to each other briefly. They regret the event didn't work out, but mention they should try again soon, and that it would help if someone just took the initiative to try to arrange another one. Friend B sends out a message:

This time it all thankfully works out. Everyone arrives when they say they will, and they all have a fun time catching up with each other.

Plan to go to a bar that goes off the rails, but still ends up being a fun night

This final example, which may make your head hurt to read, will show how a plan can change in all kinds of ways once the get together has started. It's important to know the kind of night outlined below could happen at any time, and that it's good to be able to go with the flow and not get too hung up on a certain agenda being executed without any alterations.

Earlier in the week several friends made a plan to go to a particular bar on a Saturday night, at around 11:00pm, so they could avoid having to wait in line. One of the friends offered their place for everyone to hang out at before they headed out. Seems simple enough: Everyone meets up, hangs out, goes to bar, the end. They organized it fairly quickly and painlessly as well, through text messages and when they saw each other in person.

Everyone agreed to meet at Friend A's place at around 8 o'clock that night. Friend A knew it was unlikely anyone would actually show up at exactly 8, and so relaxed with a movie and didn't think too much of it when two of his friends, the couple Friends B and C, were the first to arrive at around 9pm. The three of them chatted and had a drink or two while they waited for everyone else to get there.

At 9:30 Friend D texted Friend A to say that she and Friends E and F were getting ready and hanging out at her place, and were going to be a bit late. Friend G texted soon after that to say that he was leaving soon, and that he would pick up Friend H on the way over. About forty five minutes went by. Friend A texted G to get a status update. The ever undependable Friend G said he was just leaving his house now, that he was still planning to pick up Friend H, and that he'd be there in ten minutes. About half an hour later, at a quarter to 11, Friends G and H finally showed up.

Friend D texted again to say that she had been talking with E and F and that they were thinking they may go to another bar instead. They said they'd be over soon. About fifteen minutes later, at 11:30pm, she texted back to say that the three of them were going straight to the new bar, and that everyone should meet them there. Friend A relayed this news to everyone at his place. They had no problem going to the new venue, but were just starting into the drinks they brought and were in no hurry to leave. They said it was still early and they could meet the others later. Friend A texted D-F to pass the news on to them. Another person, Friend I, also said he was going to come, but no one had heard from him all night, and figured by this point that he had flaked on them.

At around midnight Friend D texted to let everyone know that the new place they wanted to check out had too long of a line, and that they were currently hanging out at a certain pub. The people at Friend A's place were fine with this further change of plans, but still were having a good time hanging around and didn't want to head out yet.

At about 12:45am, the couple, Friends B and C, announced that they were sleepy and going to head home for the night. Friends G and H still wanted to hang around at A's apartment and suggested they just not bother to go to the bars at all. Friend A still wanted to go out though and convinced them to come along. While they were waiting for a cab to arrive Friend D texted to say they had left the pub, and were now at yet another club's Alternative Night. It was a venue that the others weren't a fan of, but they agreed to go anyway.

The cab took a while to show up, and by the time they got to their destination they'd only be able to hang out there for forty five minutes or so before closing time. They also found out from the doorman that the cover was a lot higher than they thought it would be. At this point Friends G and H said they weren't that interested in paying a ton to go a place they didn't even like to begin with. Since it was late anyway, they said they were going to head back to Friend H's place. Friend G said he'd pick up his car from Friend A's in the morning.

Friend A tried texting Friend D to say he was outside and just had a short wait to get in, but she didn't get back to him. When he got inside and located the others, Friend D told him her phone's battery had died. They hung around that club until fifteen minutes before closing time, then went to a diner to get something to eat. After that Friend E headed home, but A, D, and F went back to F's place and stayed up until three in the morning watching a movie and chatting. Friend D eventually wandered home, and A crashed on F's couch.